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Feb. 16th, 2010

I'm really going to commit to updating this more, I check all of my friends entries, and comment occasionally, but life has just kind of gotten the better of me lately.

I dyed my hair orange, I turned 22, I party, I go to school, I sleep, eat and tweet about angry things haha.

I swear to update more though.
Sorry I don't post on here ever. I just don't really care about myself anymore. Promise I'm reading your entries, and once I pull myself together I will become a better friend.
I would seriously drop everything and anything for you. And lately shit has just been validating that for me even more. I really wish that you'd realize this and realize how good for you I could be and just let shit happen and take it's course. I wish you realized that sooner or later that someone else might come along, and I might be at my wits end as far as waiting goes. I would like to say that I would, but I don't know if I can wait forever for you to figure shit out.

It's not really that fair, you know.

Dec. 8th, 2009

There once lived a man who was learning under his master. He very much respected his master, and they worked together for many many years.
Eventually, the master and his wife were expecting a baby. On the day of the baby's birth, the master asked the man to stand outside of the building where he, his wife, and the midwife would be to protect them and make sure that nobody entered, for he trusted his student and only him to keep their privacy and keep their new family out of harms way.
The man stood outside of the building and guarded the door. Another man came up to the building with a pen in his hand and the man stopped him and told him that he could not enter. The other man looked at him in shock and said, "How can you see me? I am the God of Fate, I must go in there and write the fate of the child on his head with this pen." The man replied that he could not let him in. The god told him that he needed to go in there, because everyone needs their own fate, and that to not give them their fate would be absolutely devastating and a catastrophe.
The man said that he would let the god in on one condition; if the god told him the fate of his master's son. To which the god replied, "I do not know the fate, I will only know the fate of the child until I see him, and then I will scribe it onto the top of his head with this pen." The man said, "If you promise to tell me the boy's fate on your way out, I will let you enter." Exasperated, the god agreed but said, "I will tell you, however you must not tell anyone you know. You must not even hint that you know, or else I will explode your head into a million pieces." The man agreed, and let the god in. A few minutes passed and the god came back out and looked at the man and said, "The fate of this child is that when he is older he will be very poor. He will only have one ox and one bag of rice to his name." The man was furious. "How can you do this?" he cried, "My master is a good man! He has done nothing wrong, why punish his child?" to which the god replied, "I did not choose his fate, it came to me. You can't change fate. Remember what I said, do not say anything to anyone. Do not even hint, or I will explode your head into a million pieces."
A year passed, and the man continued to learn under his master, not saying a word about his master's son and what he knew. Soon, the master was expecting another child. This time, the master left town while his wife delivered, and asked the man to watch the building again while his wife gave birth. The man agreed, and stood at the door, while the wife and midwife were in the building, and once again the God of Fate appeared at the door.
The man told the god that the same rules applied, and the god agreed, since he knew the man was quite trustworthy since he had not spoken about the boy's fate. This time his master's wife had a daughter. The god went inside and scribed her fate on her head. He came back out and turned to the man. "For the rest of the girl's life, she will be a prostitute." The man cried out, "Why?! Why her? My master is a good man! He does not deserve this! His children do not deserve this!" To which the god replied again, "I did not choose her fate, it came to me. You can't change fate," and he walked away.

The man was in such inner turmoil once his master came back that he asked him for a leave of absence. His master allowed it, and the man went to the Himalayas and meditated for many many years on what he should do about this information he carried like a weight on his shoulders.

Finally, 20 years later, the man returns to his village only to find that his master and his master's wife have passed away. He walks down the street of the village and sees a man carrying a bag of rice and pulling an ox. He can instantly recognize that it is his master's son, and he runs up to him and introduces himself. The master's son tells him of his life in poverty and how he feels poorly that he cannot provide for his wife and children like his father could, and the man tells him that he knows what he should do. He tells the son to take his ox and his bag of rice and sell it, and buy all the food he can. He tells the son to make a feast for his wife and family, and with the food they have left over, give it to the poor and to the Bhikshu. "You people always want us to give things to the Bhikshu!" cried the son. And the man explained that he did not want it, that he wanted him to just think about it, and do it.
The son went home and spoke to his wife about it. His wife reminded him of how much his father spoke of this man and how much he respected him and how highly he thought of him. Maybe he knew what he was talking about. She said she thought they should do it. The son listened, and so the next day, he took his rice and ox and sold it. That evening, his wife cooked a feast for the family, they were so full and so grateful for the meal. As soon as they were finished, they took some of their food to the poor people in town and took the rest to the Bhikshu.
They went to bed full of food, but the son went to bed feeling troubled. They had a huge feast that night, therefore their stomachs were satisfied, but what was going to happen tomorrow? He stayed awake throughout the night full of worry and concern about what his family was supposed to do now that they had nothing to their name now that they had sold the rice and the ox.
The next morning, the son went outside and at the front door was a bag of rice and an ox. The son was amazed, and ran to the man who had given him the advice. He asked what he should do next, and the man said, do the same thing every day. So he did.
After about a month the man decided that his master's son was now happy. He was no longer starving, he would wake up every morning to find an ox and a bag of rice on his doorstep. The man went to the son at the end of the month and asked to see his sister, the master's daughter. The son looked down in shame and said, "I'm quite embarrassed to tell you that my sister has gotten herself into quite a predicament. She is working as a prostitute." The man said, "I pass no judgment, I just want to see her, can you please tell me where to find her?" so the son does, and the man goes to her home.
He knocks on the door, and she answers instantly, as her job has taught her to do. The man explains who he is, and the daughter instantly breaks into tears. "I'm so ashamed," she said. "My father treated me so well, he was such an amazing father, and he taught me better than this." The man told her that he passed no judgment, but that he needed her to do something for him. "Anything," she replies. "My father thought so highly of you." To which the man replied, "Tonight, I want you to make your price for any man to spend time with you a handful of rubies and pearls from the bottom of the ocean." She replied, "I cannot do that! Nobody will come to me, I will starve! I will not be able to provide for myself if I charge such a price!" The man told her that if she does, he promises something good will come out of it, and so she reluctantly agrees. She waits all night with no callers, until towards the very end of the night a very handsome man comes to the door, two fistfuls of rubies and pearls from the bottom of the ocean. The next day the daughter finds the man and says, "It worked! A man with pearls and rubies from the bottom of the ocean came to me, and I can now buy a years worth of food!" The man smiled, and said to the daughter, you must make this your price from now on. She obliged, and sure enough, just as her brother found rice and an ox next to his door every morning, she would have a handsome man come to her door with glimmering jewels and pearls from the bottom of the ocean every night.

The man felt like he had done as much as he could, and finally left the town. On his way out, he saw a man stumbling over himself with a handful of things. As the man got closer, he recognized the other man's face. It was the God of Fate that he had met so many years ago. Hoisted over his shoulder, the god carried a bag of rice, and in another hand he carried rubies and pearls while he managed to hold a rope as well with an ox in tow. "You tricked me!" yelled the god, "You have made my life so much more difficult, for I must keep their fate consistent, and now you have made it incredibly complicated."
The man looked at the god and said, "You could make this much easier, and set them free of their fates, and let them do as they choose from now on."

And the god agreed. And he left the man's master's children to live their own lives and make their own choices.



The moral of the story is that you can change your fate, even if it seems impossible. There is always a way to change your destiny.


p.s.

My face here is incredible. I think I was just in awe that the baby was so little compared to Jack haha

Oct. 16th, 2009

Are any of my friends creative? I need to figure out how to make this.

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=32755910&ref=cat2_list_1




JACK JUST SAID, "FUCK YEAH" HAHAHAHAHA
Happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts
Here are better pictures of the inside of the condoCollapse )
It's kind of bittersweet. I am looking forward to being in my own place, but I wasn't going to buy up here because I wanted to move down to Southern California. Now that my reasoning is only school and not him, I might as well use my scholarship up here (as that's more of a financially responsible way of going about things), and then going down to UCLA to finish up with my nursing school.

I fucking still hate everything though.
Here's to new beginnings I guess.

Possibly mine!

I will take more pictures later. This is all from the front.

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